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LHOHH - [S1, E5]: "Denmark Bitch"

Writer's picture: Braeden CarterBraeden Carter

The Legendary Housewives of Hidden Hills Season One stars Dee Bell, Shamari Devine, Bianca Fletcher, Sade Grayson, Megan Kennedy, Adrianna Ray, and Paris Wildwood, while Jean Burruss serves as a 'friend of the housewives.'

TAGLINES

Paris - "I may be a wildcard, but this girl can never be tamed."

Sade - “No amount of pressure will ever crush this diamond.”

Bianca - "I may be a Princess, but I'm not a Drama Queen."

Megan - “When you check for me, you better have a check for me.”

Dee - "This New York Apple is here to plant her seeds in the Hills."

Shamari - "I tell it like it is and I'll try to make it nice."

Adrianna - "They say I'm too much, but I say they are not enough."

 

Ladies Leave For Denmark

[Camera pans to Bianca standing by the JET waiting for the girls]

Bianca Fletcher Confessional: I'm actually excited to see the ladies, I know we have a hard time getting along, but hopefully this trip to Denmark will bring us closer.


Shamari: [arrives] Hey girl how's it going? Are you ready for these crazy girls?


Bianca: Yes, but I think everything will be okay. I can show them a little bit of the Denmark culture and hopefully, we can bond.


Shamari Devine Confessional: Bianca girl, I love you, but bonding with these girls? Whew, it's like World War FIVE!


[THE BIG THREE ARRIVES, SADE, MEGAN, AND PARIS]

Bianca: Hey girls! [hugs and kisses]


Shamari: Hey babes! [hugs]


Megan: I'm so excited to go to Denmark, I'm not really interested in seeing Dee.


Sade: Megan!! [chuckles]


Megan: What!? I'm being honest.


Sade: Be nice!


Paris: C'mon girls, let's hop on the plane.


[The Big Three sits in the Jet]


Sade: I just love how "Orange" wants us to get along all of the sudden.


[Paris and Megan laughs]


Paris: Right? This girl really trying to play nice.


Megan: Let's give her a little chance, even if she's trying to prove something us.


Sade: I have nothing for that Fake ass Princess


[Adrianna and Dee arrives]

Bianca: Hello Ladies


Adrianna: Hey Girl! [hugs and kisses]


Dee: Hey Bianca [ignores Shamari]

Shamari Devine Confessional: I don't know why Dee and her new face are trying to ignore me. Girl, love yourself before you start hating on me.


[Dee and Adrianna walk in the Jet]


[Paris looks at Adrianna up and down]


Adrianna: Hey girls! Hope you all are doing well.


[The Big Three smile and nods their heads awkwardly]


Adrianna: I hope we all have a peaceful trip


Paris Wildwood Confessional: Peaceful? That shouldn't even be in her vocabulary?


[Shamari and Bianca enter the Jet]


Adrianna: Dee? Is Jean coming?


Dee: Yes, she's coming, she had something personal to deal with.


Adrianna Dakota Ray Confessional: Personal or not, Jean doesn't have to deal with these tricks, which is a good thing!


Bianca: [brings a tray of champagne glasses] Alright ladies! [gives each lady a glass] I want to propose a toast!


[They raise their glasses]


Bianca: To Sisterhood and Denmark BITCH!


ALL LADIES: Denmark Bitch!!


ARRIVAL AT THE HOTEL

[Camera pans to the hotel and the ladies coming out the bus]

Bianca Fletcher Confessional: After the Jet, the ladies were tired and now we're sleeping on the bus. But finally, we ARE HEREEEEE IN DENMARK.


Adrianna: [yawns and looks around] We here!


[Everyone enters the hotel]

Bianca: Alright ladies, here are your keys, and your rooms are already selected... We can back her later for Dinner.


[Everyone grabs keys and goes to their rooms]

Sade Grayson Confessional: I’m tired as FUCK. The whole plane ride Shamari and Paris bickered. Dinner better be good too.


[flashback to Paris and Shamari throwing popcorn at each other on the plane in slow motion]


Paris Wildwood Confessional: I can’t wait to after a long-ass flight, I'm about to starve at the dinner table while Bianca’s family serves us food fresh off of the dye of Lord of the Rings Smiles and sighs]




Dee Bell Confessional: I want to explore Denmark and learn other cultures from Bianca than ghetto from Megan, Paris, and Sade


 


 

Dinner at Marchal

[Camera pans inside of restaurant]


Bianca Fletcher Confessional: I'm excited to bring the girls to the dinner, I want them to get a sense of culture and the first thing is the food. Hopefully, we all can get along.

Bianca: Hi, waiter!


Waiter: Hello!


Bianca: Can you give me your TOP authentic Denmark dishes?


Waiter: Sure thing! How many in your party?


Bianca: It should be eight, but let's have enough for ten.


Bianca: [texts her husband Oliver]


Waiter: Princess? Here's all of the food.

Bianca: Its looks amazing!!


Waiter: I think your friends will love it!


[Paris, Shamari, and Dee arrive]

Bianca: Hey ladies!! [hugs and kisses to everyone]


Shamari: Hey Bianca sis!


Dee: Hey Bianca, You look gorgeous!


Bianca: Thank you! You look gorgeous.


Paris: [Mic] Oh great! It's tangerine!


Bianca: I heard that! I may be tan, but look at your fashion!


Paris: Well, honey this is fashion something I could teach you about. And as for the Casper thing, that’s cute, but this is just what real white women look like.


Waiter: Here's the champagne ladies.


Dee: Thank you... He's really cute.

[Waiter winks at Dee]


Paris: Wow, he's flirting with you.


Shamari: Grabs glass.


[Sade and Megan arrive]

Shamari: Hey girls... [looks at Dee]


Paris: Hey girls [hugs and kisses]


Bianca: Hey ladies...


Dee: Hey Shamari!


Dee Bell Confessional: Last time I saw Shamari. She had some side comments. I don't know how to feel about her. [rolls neck and sips].


Bianca: Come and sit ladies and enjoy the food.


Megan: The food looks... interesting


Megan Kennedy Confessional: What the hell is this?


Paris: [bangs bread on the table] Oh my...Is this a rock?


Sade: Is this a restaurant or a construction site?


Dee: What the hell?


Shamari: [bites bread and hurts tooth]


Bianca: Ladies, it's not that serious, it's different food, just try it.


Megan: Bianca, can we have something more edible?


Bianca: I tried to be nice and do something for us as a group.


Shamari Devine Confessional: Chile, they tore up poor Bianca and her dinner.


Shamari: What's with all of you being so rude, chile can't we enjoy a nice scenery.


Megan: I understand, but this food ain't gonna cut it.


Shamari: Well can we talk without arguing? Like grown people, C'mon girls.


Dee: Waiter! Can we get a menu?


Paris: Are there any safe eating options?


Bianca: Waiter! Can you bring another option for them that's more "American?"

[Waiter brings more food]


Megan: [gasps] Oh wow...


Sade: What the fuck is this?


Bianca: It's American cuisine!


Dee: Bianca...


Dee Bell Confessional: What is this shit?


Sade: [looks up nearest KFC] Hell no!


Shamari: Now this food looks a little scary Bianca.


Megan: [To Paris] Who the fuck eating this?


Dee: [texts Adrianna] 'Don't even bother girl. Order some room service.'


Shamari: Is that mold?


Paris: This is some nasty shit!


Shamari: [whispers to Sade] Bianca, my sis and all, but this shit is nasty. Who doing the KFC run?


Sade: It's not supposed to look like this.


Bianca: Okay girls, I have one final course of the meal.


Sade: I hope it ain't shit on a stick.


Megan: Lord, my stomach is bubbling


Bianca: The final course is.... Pigeon...


Megan: Now bitch!


Dee: PIGEON!?


Paris: Pigeon?!


Sade: [sings] Oh, I don't want no Pigeon.


Dee: Bianca, I can't defend this love.


Paris: If I wanted to eat pigeon, I would have visited New York.


Sade: Bianca, you are a bird yourself, why would you eat your cousins girl?


Bianca: You know what! Forget it! You girls are on your own. [Bianca storms off]


Shamari: Bianca don't leave...


Megan: I don't know why she's mad, she didn't even touch her food.


Paris: Right!


Sade: Waiter! Can we get some burgers or ribs?


Paris: Please hold the pigeon meat.


Shamari: Bianca!!


Bianca: It's fine, I'm going back to the hotel.


Shamari: Lord have mercy.


Bianca Fletcher Confessional: I feel like this was very strategic in how everyone ganged up on me about some damn food. Makes me question my place with this group of ladies.


Dee: [tastes ice cream and spits it back out]


Shamari: [orders KFC]


Paris: This is slop, there isn't much effort here.


Dee: Here Sade, you want this?


Sade: [tastes it and makes face] Bitch, I'm hungry.


Shamari: [Calls Uber]


Dee Bell Confessional: Bianca knows she's dead wrong for feeding us park animals and their feces. She doesn't have much room to be mad.


Megan: Is the ice cream good?


Sade: It's not bad! Let me have yours.


[Megan hands ice cream to Sade]


Paris: I thought it was a Cream of tartar ice cream?


Megan: CREAM OF TARTAR!?


Sade Grayson Confessional: I think I was just hungry. All that sour cream ice cream ran through me.


Dee: Bitch where's the Grubhub? Lemme bring Adrianna a whopper or something?


Paris: [order Starbucks from the mobile app] Hi can I have a large caramel frappe with extra caramel drizzle, substitute oat milk, and add white mocha sauce.

Jean: Hey ladies!!!


Sade: Jean!! [laughs]


Dee: Hey sista!

Jean: What happened here? [looks around]


Dee: Chile! Bianca was serving us Pigeon Meat, hard bread, and nasty ass ice cream.


Jean Burruss Confessional: I’m so glad I arrived late, because I am not a woman of exotic foods.


Shamari: Hey Jean [hugs] Do you wanna take an Uber ride with us to KFC!


Jean: Of course!


Sade: C’mon girls let’s go! The restaurant on the lunch hour!

 

Tivoli Gardens

[Camera pans to Tivoli Gardens]


Sade Grayson Confessional: I finally stopped shitting my guts out. I skipped out on breakfast, my stomach was still upset this morning. I should whoop Bianca’s Cheeto-looking ass. Me and “Team Fun” will be going to Tivoli Gardens. Hopefully, my stomach can take these roller coasters cause chileeee… [leans back and rubs belly]

[Jean arrives]

Sade: [hugs Jean] Hey girl!


Jean: I’m so glad I miss that disastrous Dinner with Bianca.


Sade: Me too girl, it wasn’t worth it. Oh forgot to ask, But can you perform at the showcase, I don’t care what the price is, we will pay it.


Jean. Of course hun..


Sade: Thank you, you are the BEST.


Jean Burruss Confessional: I appreciate the opportunity that Sade has given me. And gave me no complaints about pay.


[Megan, Paris, Shamari arrives] Megan: Do you feel okay, Paris? My stomach feel a little funny.


Sade: Chile, don’t get me started. My stomach was doing gymnastics last night.


Paris: Let’s not talk about it, I’m stressed.


Sade: Hey, y’all! Alright, let’s get on this bus and head to this amusement park.


Megan: I hope the rides are stable.


Jean: Where are the other ladies at?


Megan: Bianca gave us the option to do separate things on day two.


Paris: I hope the rides are safe, they look very dated on the Website.


Shamari: Bianca said they open it in 2003.


Sade: [Looks intensely] Your Orange friend better get it together.


Jean: Are y’all sure about these rides?


Sade: I change my mind, I’ll be the purse holder.


Shamari: Girl, don’t be a pussy, get on the rides.


[ARRIVES AT AMUSEMENT PARK]

[The girls make it to the Devil Flight’s ride]

Jean: Lord have mercy


Paris: I’m not getting on shit!


Shamari Devine Confessional: Paris is being such a DOWNER. Her body so damn skinny when the ride takes off her torso gone snap and fly back.


[Sade hands Paris her purse and sits next to Megan]

[Shamari sits next to Jean]

Megan: Hold my hand Sade…


Sade: Bitch open your eyes..


Jean: [looks scared] I don’t know about this.


Shamari: Jean hunni, let’s pray… Heavenly Father, I pray——-


Sade: Uhn Uhmm this little seat belt doesn’t feel sec—-


[The ride takes OFF!]

Sade: BITCHHHHH!!!


Jean: Oh Shitt!


Megan: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus….


Shamari: Girllllll [Holds on wig] [The ride jerks over and over again As Megan wakes up from passing out and crying too long]

Sade Grayson Confessional: Whoever that operator is, if and when I get off this ride—-I’m going to whoop his ASS!

 

Train Tour

Bianca Fletcher Confessional: Yesterday, I was very annoyed and irritated with the ladies’ antics.


[Bianca, Dee, and Adrianna arrive]

Bianca: Adrianna, where were you last night?


Adrianna: Girl, I’m soon as I get ready to leave, I get a text from Dee and she told me not to come.


Bianca: [brow raises] Oh really? You could use a little culture in your life. I’m a Princess.


Dee: Was that shade? I mean your dinner was park animals and non-edible.


Adrianna: Okay ladies, let’s not go left.


Dee Bell Confessional: I don’t know what this attitude is, but she needs to remember she is married to the family.


Adrianna: Lord have mercy.


Bianca: Dee, keep It cute because you could have at least defended me.


Dee: Bianca. I’m gonna keep it cute because we aren’t in the country right now. But please check yourself. If I didn’t want to eat Park animals that’s my damn right.

Bianca: Why did you have to be messy with the other girls? That was too much shit dealing with.


Dee: Bianca you’re the quietest one in the room when shit pops off. Bye! [turns the other way]

Bianca: You’re so full of shit!


Adrianna: Lord fix it, please. Bianca, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.


Bianca: Don’t do that Adrianna, don’t gaslight me.


Adrianna: Nobody’s gaslighting you!


Bianca: I have supported you in many ways! You aren’t a real friend.


Adrianna: You most definitely need to direct that energy somewhere else.


Bianca: Maybe Paris is right about you after all.


Adrianna: Bitch! Fuck you with that!


Dee Bell Confessional: She gets nothing from me.

 

Boat Trip

[Camera pans to Boat]


Bianca Fletcher Confessional: Between Adrianna and those other girls, I am really annoyed with them.

Bianca: Chef Michael?


Chef Michael: We have burgers, fries, and seafood.


Bianca: Perfect! Hopefully, the girls will prefer American cuisine.


Bianca Fletcher Confessional: They trash my authentic Denmark cuisine. They should be lucky, they even get to eat.


Bianca: Okay... Thank you again, they can be a lot.


Chef Michael: It's okay, I've seen worst.


[The Big Three arrives]

Bianca: Hey ladies.


Paris: Hey girl. [Notices Bianca's tan marks on the white tablecloth]


Bianca: My mother-in-law is planning to come here


Megan: Hey girl, how are you doing?


Bianca: I'm doing good, hope you are well.


[Sade waves and heads to the food]


Sade Grayson Confessional: Alright now, Orange did a little something with this food.


Megan: Is Oliver's family coming?


[Sade looks with shrimp in her mouth, Paris smiles]


Bianca: Yes, they are coming, they are going to be a little late...


[Dee, Adrianna, and Jean arrive]

Bianca: Hey girls, I hope you guys are good.


Adrianna: Good, hope you are well.


Dee: Hey [dry]


Jean: Bianca, I love this boat how much did this cost?


Adrianna: C'mon girls, let's eat.


Dee: Oh, it's edible today.


Jean: [laughs] Girl, I hope so because I've been fasting all day.


Bianca: [grabs microphone] So ladies, I would to meet my cousin Prince Nikolai of Denmark. My family and Oliver's family really come from royalty.


Megan Kennedy Confessional: Bianca, please stop playing with us! We don't feel like it!


[Jean and Dee look unimpressed]


[Nikolai speaks into the microphone]


Paris: [To Megan and Sade] Not him remembering his script.


Sade: Bianca, why don't you show pictures of your mother-in-law's side piece?


Bianca: Quit saying lies about me and my family.


Paris: What is the importance of this? Let's see your dead ass granny tomb.


Bianca: Nikolai, you can leave. You don't need to see this.


Adrianna: Lord have mercy!


Bianca: What are your problems Paris and Sade? [into the mic] At least I have money. What do you have?


Paris: Bianca you are just upset, you got dragged by everyone over here. You'll be overboard by the end of the night with that mouth.


Sade: [walks over and grabs mic] BIANCA, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND BEING AN ILLEGITIMATE CHILD? A PRODUCT OF HIS MOTHER’S AFFAIR?


Paris: Let's talk about THAT!


Bianca: There's nothing to talk about! Fuck you with that!


Sade: Queen Blackfish! YOU WILL BE DEALT WITH TONIGHT BABY!


Paris: Her nasty mother-in-law was being slutted out by commoners and shoving her stupid son in foster homes until he was of age and she finally reclaimed him.


Bianca: Let's Go, Michael! I'm don't want to see these stupid bitches anymore.


Sade: Tan made by Crayola. Fake ass princess. Stop with this title, because your husband for sure ain't no Prince.


Bianca: Worry about your botched ass face, stupid ass bitch.


Paris: My face surely hadn’t been touched, nor the body. I had some lip filler sure, but a lot of the white girls do. You could use a refill.


Adrianna: [mouth widens] I'm just glad the drama ain't about me for once.


Bianca: All y'all do is act like a gang and jump on women like me.


Paris: Don't refer to these any of these black women as a gang.


Bianca: I wasn't referring to them, you stupid bitch. I was saying all of you!


Jean: Hold on now!


Paris: I’m actually quite the opposite, don’t get so defensive when you see other white women speaking out against racism


Sade: Excuse me bitch! Bianca, the jury is out on the pending racist charges. You are guilty bitch. You're racist.


Megan: Bianca, you are a weirdo, you don't deserve to have a part of this group.


Dee: [sips champagne]


Dee Bell Confessional: Bianca girl [shakes head] you should have sat there and mind your business.


[Shamari arrives]

Shamari: Hey ladies


Adrianna: Hey Shamari!


Shamari: Hey girls, sorry I'm late, I had to change from that torn wig at the park. We got any food for me?


Adrianna: [point to the food] over there!


Shamari: What's going on?


Sade: We discover Bianca's life is a lie!


Paris: Bianca is the product of slave owners.


Shamari: What!!! Where is Bianca?


Paris: Bianca, you aren't related to NASA Scientists nor did you marry a prince.


Shamari: [runs to Bianca] What is going on Bianca?


Bianca: [crying] Those girls are lying on me and my family name.


Shamari: Well you can't give them that energy.


[Bianca runs a throws a champagne bottle}


Sade: [throws sandwich] Crayola-looking ass bitch!


Paris: I wish the f**k you would!


Megan: [THROWS CHAIR] You bitch!


[Producer Peaches comes in and escorts Bianca out]


Bianca: I'm done with this shit! [throws mic pack] Fuck you these ladies and this show! [hits camera]


Producer Peaches: STOP Bianca!

In January, Bianca stopped shooting with the group. - LHOHH Producers

Jean: Come on ladies let's dance.


[Jean sings as the ladies dance on the boat that Bianca paid for!]

 

END OF EPISODE





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